Be the Church

I know it is now a few weeks past, but on Mother's Day this year, I was so relieved. When we got to church, I was so sure that just like almost every other Mother's Day sermon I have ever heard, the pastor would go through Proverbs 31 describing all the ways a woman can be the perfect wife and mother. I hear these sermons and start checking off all the ways I fall short and then leave feeling less like a mother and more like a failure on Mother's Day of all days. Thankfully, the pastor focused on Jesus' lineage so I was spared the torture of another Proverbs 31 sermon.

I really shouldn't dread any particular passage of Scripture, though. I started to think about that more and more, which got me to thinking about Proverbs 31 more and more. I do love that passage. My husband and I chose Proverbs 31:30 as our daughter's life verse because it speaks volumes to women and how we should live. I do strive to be that wife and mother. Surely though, that particular passage is much more than just instructions for women on how to live and for men on what to look for in a wife.

I may have mentioned previously that reading the Bible is much more enjoyable if you know what the whole thing is about to begin with. Cover to cover, the whole Bible points to Jesus. It's beautiful, really, to read through thinking about how it all comes back to the work Jesus did on the cross and the work still to be done in the future. With that in mind, I looked at Proverbs 31 with a totally renewed perspective. I looked for Jesus in it and then it became so apparent I nearly slapped myself for missing Him before. 

The Church (meaning the global body of believers saved by grace through faith in Jesus) is the bride of Christ. If Proverbs 31 is all about what a perfect wife looks like, isn't it also essentially how the bride of Christ can best bring God the glory? I would posit that Proverbs 31 isn't just a set of instructions for wives and mothers, which it is, but I would say that this speaks also to what the Church is supposed to look like. We often hear preachers challenging us not to just go to church but to be the Church. What does that even mean? I see the answer lying in 22 beautiful verses describing the perfect bride of Christ.

Proverbs 31:10-31

¹⁰ An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
¹¹ The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
¹² She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
¹³ She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
¹⁴ She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
¹⁵ She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
¹⁷ She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
¹⁸ She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
¹⁹ She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
²⁰ She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
²¹ She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
²² She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
²³ Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
²⁵ Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
²⁶ She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
²⁷ She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
²⁹ “Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”
³⁰ Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
³¹ Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

Some phrases stand out to me more than others. In the first section, the woman is being described as trustworthy. What has God trusted His Church with? Before Jesus ascended into heaven, He talked to His disciples about what they would be doing until He returned. We see what we have been entrusted with in John 21:15-17.

¹⁵ So when they had finished breakfast, Jesus *said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me more than these?” He *said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He *said to him, “Tend My lambs.” ¹⁶ He *said to him again a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” He *said to Him, “Yes, Lord; You know that I love You.” He *said to him, “Shepherd My sheep.” ¹⁷ He *said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus *said to him, “Tend My sheep."

Jesus has entrusted His flock to us. We are to tend them and shepherd them because of our love for Christ. The woman described in Proverbs 31 is able and trustworthy to do just that. 

The passage goes on to talk about the work of her hands and how she spends her money. The woman is hardworking and not lazy. She cared diligently for her household and spent her money wisely. Is not the Church asked to do the same? We are to do God's good work. We have been charged with duties to fulfill in each of our lives. We are asked to be good stewards of what God has given us by tithing, spending wisely and investing in good things. 1 Peter 4:10 puts it this way:

"As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God."

The most beautiful relationship between Proverbs 31 and being the Church comes in the next sections. The woman cares for the needy and the poor. Aren't we to do the same? We fall short of this a great deal, but I see churches all around (as well as individuals) extending their hands to the poor and needy meeting both physical and spiritual needs. 

Take a look at verse 23. A man's reputation begins at home in this context. I hope that you understand how valuable you are to the King of King's reputation at the city gates. We can make our Jesus' name known and respected because of the way we live, what we say and how we love. It is so beautiful that God chose us to bring Him glory. We are called out of the world to look different and draw people back to God. This woman did that for her husband and we are to do that for our Savior.

Verses 25-26 speak to me on so many individual levels. As a police wife, it can be so easy to get caught up in fear and torture myself over all the thousands of things that could happen to my husband just for going to work. The Proverbs 31 woman smiles at the future and as the NIV says, "laughs at the days to come". How beautiful is it to know that I am free from worry because I have my future secured in Jesus Christ? He made sure that none of us would have to worry about anything past this life. The Church today and we individual Christians should be doing as we are instructed in Philippians. 

Philippians 4:6
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."

We don't have to be anxious for anything and we, too, can laugh at the days to come because we know that the future return of Christ for His bride will be the best day! Verse 26 just seals the deal by affirming for us what is to be coming our of our mouths. Because we don't have to worry, we can focus on teaching others with kindness and wisdom. We are enlightened because of the Holy Spirit and we are to share our knowledge of salvation with love and kindness so that others also will be saved. That is the culmination of bringing God glory. When our entire lives and everything we say invites people to know God, He will be known.

Lastly, the final section of Proverbs 31 describes the woman who is praised by her husband, who fears the Lord and whose works praise her. Ultimately, we will share in Christ's glory because He will clothe us in His righteousness. I don't know about you, but I don't want to show up to the wedding feast in heaven empty handed. I want my dowry to be full of people who came to know Christ because of me somehow. Whether I actually shared the Gospel with them or they just overheard me singing at the grocery store pushing my sweet baby around, I want people to join me on that glorious day and be able to have my work speak for itself. We are free from condemnation and by no means can works ever save us, but working to share Christ in as many ways as possible will make for a magnificent celebration at the wedding feast of Christ and His bride, the Church. So let's not be lazy and eat the bread of idleness. Let's go and be the Church.

Testimonies

I have been asked to give my testimony in front of people with a microphone. Someone asked me and I panicked but said yes when I wanted to scream into that microphone, "No!!!!" I panicked. But why? Sure, public speaking is not my comfort zone, but panic is not a normal reaction is it?

People who are asked to give their testimony are only asked because they have one. And as far as I can tell, there are only two kinds of testimonies out there anyone cares about. There are the testimonies that talk about God awakening a sense of purpose in a life and that person's fulfillment of that purpose. But then there is the other kind. The kind I have. The kind where someone has a past and everyone gets the dirt. There is a glimpse of redemption at the end, but what people remember is the scandal. That's what they leave talking about. 

I panicked because I didn't (and don't) want people to walk away from hearing my story talking about everything else about me except the redeeming love of Jesus Christ to pull me out of darkness into His glorious light where I am restored. So now I'm conflicted. How am I supposed to fill up fifteen minutes avoiding dirt and aiming for redemption without muddying it all up anyway? 

None of the people who asked for my public testimony have ever even heard it or cared to. In a joking (but eerily serious) tone, one of them asked for all the juicy details. I can think of a lot of reasons to say no to the whole thing. But then I started thinking about Paul. 

Hardly anyone ever talks about his persecution of the earliest Christians. He calls himself the 'chief of all sinners' and still, no one dwells on his sin.  What is it about him? And then I figured it out. He confesses his sin freely, moves on and preaches the gospel. He moves on. Why had this not occurred to me before? Most of what we have from Paul is not his exploits in murdering followers of Christ, but his message of redemption in Christ for all people. He wrote most of the New Testament about restoring people to the Father through Jesus and His sacrifice. He wrote about what it means for us. What it meant for him. 

All of a sudden, I knew what I was going to say into that microphone. Here is what I came up with, and since most of it came by way of a nudging in my spirit, I can only assume it's what I'm supposed to say. Father God, I hope you approve. 

I don't know exactly why I'm standing up here in front of you, but while I am I figure that I better say something worthwhile. My story is largely untold and well hidden. It will stay that way, because sin and darkness won't find their glory here today. My story isn't nice and neatly packaged because my life didn't happen that way either. A lot of it I still can't explain to myself, so I won't venture into trying to explain it to you either. So I will say what I do know. 

My life from the start has always been about running away. I was saved when I was 8 or 9, but without any discipleship at all, I wandered. Eventually my wandering was running. And really, when you're not running to God, you're running from Him no matter where you say you're going. I looked for answers to life's questions in all sorts of places and I found answers, but only answers that led to more questions. So I gave up the search for whatever it was I was looking for and started to really give up at age 19. (Which yes, was only four years ago.)

It didn't take long after that to truly feel forgotten and separated from God. You can imagine how a wanderer feeling like that begins to live. 

I have to tell you about two days that changed everything for me. I was pretty low at one point and in a dark time, a woman who I don't know and can't remember told me that God had asked her to tell me something. She said that He wanted me to come back to Him. I was sort of annoyed that she said this and brushed it off. The thing was that her words wouldn't get out of my head. They kept on being recited over and over making me dizzy with them. Finally I got angry and rejected the words because I didn't think that I was the one who did the leaving in my relationship to God.

The words wouldn't go away, though. They haunted me. I did what any person would do. I hid in the pews at church which I had not attended in years. I plastered a smile on my face and pretended that I was ok. I guess a lot of people do that. But it didn't make her words go away. 

I tried to 'get my life together' and started living rightly thinking that it would somehow satisfy the emptiness that had been building in me all those years that her words had exposed. I kept hiding, but it wasn't doing any good. My husband and I decided to try the church one more time before we left for good. And then it happened. 

Everything should have panned out to a normal Sunday of fake smiles and handshakes. But the pastor called the invitation first that day. Before the sermon started, he stood up in front of everyone and like he could see right through my clever disguise he asked, "Where will you run to now?"

If only he knew how many times I had written those very words to myself on tear stained diaries and journals. It's like he exposed my real dilemma. I had nowhere left to go. He went on and said, "Run to Jesus and give it to Him." My fake smile was nowhere to be found and it was replaced by tears. A flood of tears. I never cried in public and here I was exposed for a fraud and God had called me out, but He still wanted me back. Can you believe that? After everything, He still wanted me back. I don't even want me most days, but He does. 

Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

I told Jesus that moment that I wouldn't waste any more time running from Him and I would start fervently pursuing Him with everything I had left. It's not much, but He has it. 

It's all really about running in the end. You go your own way because you think you know better. Maybe you've been running in the wrong direction. If you're a Christian, have you been seeking God in everything or trying to figure things out for yourself? Someone is here today who doesn't know Jesus. You know about Him, but you don't know Him. Will you run to Him today? Will you accept the payment He has already made for you on the cross for forgiveness of your sins? If that's you, don't wait. "Today is the day of salvation." Ask yourself- if I dropped dead today, am I 100% sure I would go to heaven? If you answered anything less than 100%, don't wait. Make it right today in this moment. Ask Jesus to save you and forgive you of your sins. Be restored. 

The Power in the Truth

I haven't felt all that much like writing these blog posts in a while. Something was gnawing at my insides. Something that felt like stabs of lies into my very core hit me every time I thought about it. I suddenly realized that I felt like a hypocrite. I want to walk the walk, but I am diligent about it every minute? Every hour? Some days I just want to curl up with a book and read, but I began to feel guilty about wanting that over wanting to go out and do something great for the Kingdom like have a revival and save millions of people in one hour. Somehow I got lost in the guilt, shame and regret. That is when the worst happened. The lies started reciting themselves over and over again as if this hidden part of my life came back to haunt me. You're not good enough. You're wasting your time. How could God ever want a person like you? How could you think you could ever be worthy of even serving God? What should be so innocent as alone time with a book turned into something sinister. It turned into a guilt trip that took me to a place I forgot I could go. 

I had to stop myself in the middle of all of it and wonder. What's true anymore? The truth was having trouble fighting its way through all the lies and I stopped. I just stopped thinking about all of it and I realized something totally transforming. All of these feelings trying to burst forth and ruin me - shame, regret, guilt, feeling like a hypocrite, putting on the burden of my own iniquities - all of those were all putting the focus on me. I lost my focus on God and I was completely wrapped up in myself and my shortcomings. Almost as if I'm snapped back to reality in a moment of worship during church, I realize that all of this loss of focus really isn't what it looks like. It's not those feelings that are hurting me, it's my lack of trust that is. It's absolutely ridiculous. I am taking away God's healing by reopening the wounds and wallowing in them. The only thing to do is to go back to the truth wrapped up in God's Word. 

Isaiah 53:10-11
"But the Lord was pleased
To crush Him, putting Him to grief;
If He would render Himself as a guilt offering,
He will see His offspring,
He will prolong His days,
And the good pleasure of the Lord will prosper in His hand. 
As a result of the anguish of His soul,
He will see it and be satisfied;
By His knowledge the Righteous One,
My Servant, will justify the many,
As He will bear their iniquities."

It is God's good pleasure to heal us through Jesus' bearing our burdens on the cross. He takes away guilt, shame, regret, iniquity, sin, death, and all the darkness in that hidden place. Not only will His work be completed, but it will prosper and satisfy God's good pleasure in our beautiful reconciliation.

I, flawed, am justified because Christ bears that burden. Now every time I think of those lies, I have to giggle inside (mostly because I'm sure all of this sounds nuts) but also because I'm comforted by having felt ridiculous to question God in the first place. Justified. To me, that means I am totally covered. It means that my response to the lies will now be, "Why don't you take that up with my Father and see what He has to say about it? I have work for the Kingdom to do." And I will do that work, whatever it is. And I will even curl up with a book. (I have read two since then.) 

I won't live my life in bondage to the lies, the sin, the hurt, or the darkness. I have the Light of life living inside me and He says I get to choose freedom. As believers, we still have that choice to make. Are we going to wallow in the wounds of the past and live with that Pharisee guilt mentality? Or will we choose to live under Christ's victory, choosing to respond as a free person and not a slave? Christians, we have the victory already because Christ has already won! Let's stop living like sore losers and get back in it. Jesus is still there on the right hand of the Father and God is still on His throne. Choosing to live with that truth ringing clearly in the way you live your life will change everything. Are you ready?

John 8:31-32
"So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, 'If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.'"

Pride

It is humbling to be called out by God on an area of sin in my life. Especially when He is telling me that I'm getting too big for my britches. Let's face it: We all struggle with pride. It's the original sin that got Satan kicked out of heaven. He started to get a little cocky because he was so beautiful and thought he could be God. Well, we all know where he is now.

As I started to think about pride, I started to think about all the areas of my life that I struggled with pride in. I thought about having it all together, my (mostly) functional family, my education, my home, my, my, my. That's the worst part. Pride is all about me. Ugh. I'm not saying I should feel guilty for what I have, but I shouldn't be proud of all of it as if I've earned it somehow. God showed me someone in my very same predicament of heart.

King Uzziah became king of Judah when he was just sixteen years old. He followed God and God helped him. He overcame many enemies of Judah and became very strong. He built up the kingdom with towers and turrets and farms. He beefed up the army and gave them the latest technology to prepare him for battle. His fame quickly spread around all the land. God made him strong. 2 Chronicles 26:5 "...and as long as he sought the Lord, God prospered him."

God is the one who made King Uzziah great. How could he have done all of that on his own at sixteen? Sadly, King Uzziah took the credit for himself started to get a little too big for his britches. 2 Chronicles 26:16 "But when he became strong, his heart was so proud that he acted corruptly, and he was unfaithful to the Lord his God..." Uzziah's heart became proud and he was about to do something awful in those times. He walked right into the temple of the Lord to burn his own incense, rather than the consecrated priests who would normally do so. This was a big no no. Priests had to undergo a lifetime of preparation in order to enter the temple of the Lord, because coming into God's presence was a huge deal. (Read through Leviticus if you want all the details.) You couldn't just waltz in there to talk to God whenever you wanted to like we can now. Oh, Uzziah, you should have known better. Well, then the priests came in and told him to get lost. Uzziah, being king and very proud in his heart, got really mad. No, he was enraged! To him, he was offended that they would question his presence there. To Uzziah, he had a right to be there because he was so strong and that's pretty great. Great enough, in Uzziah's mind, to deserve entering the presence of God. The moment he became enraged, Uzziah became a leper. 2 Chronicles 26:21 "King Uzziah was a leper to the day of his death; and he lived in a separate house, being a leper, for he was cut off from the house of the Lord..." Yikes. That's a reality check if I've ever seen one. God built Him up and he took everything He gave Uzziah away in a moment. The Bible doesn't say, but I hope Uzziah's heart was humbled. 

Proverbs 16:18 "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling."

Here is just one of my many Uzziah moments. I was sitting in a restaurant with my family and looked over at the table next to us. There was another family there much like ours and the mother was giving the baby Big Red to drink. Here we go, I snickered at the stupidity of it and made fun. What a great example I am to my daughter who was sitting next to me! I thought I was the superior mother with my soy organic formula and all natural blah blah blah. I judged the woman on the basis of one decision and was not at all the picture of grace, mercy and love that Christ is. I'm prideful and that's just as bad as Uzziah. I deserve the same punishment he got (and worse), but thankfully, I have a Savior that covered all my pride and countless other sins by His own righteousness when He took my place on the cross and died for me.

Uzziah was a part of the line of Jesus, the Messiah, so it just goes to show that even if we mess up, God's plan prevails. God promised a Savior, and He used a bunch of imperfect people to achieve that plan so that none could take credit. How glad I am that God has power over sin and that my sin cannot get in the way of His plan. He is still working out my pride and that will be a lifelong process. Grace abounds. Thankfully, God has already overcome it where it really matters, and for that, I will ever praise Him.