Sunday, February 2, 2014

The Power in the Truth

I haven't felt all that much like writing these blog posts in a while. Something was gnawing at my insides. Something that felt like stabs of lies into my very core hit me every time I thought about it. I suddenly realized that I felt like a hypocrite. I want to walk the walk, but I am diligent about it every minute? Every hour? Some days I just want to curl up with a book and read, but I began to feel guilty about wanting that over wanting to go out and do something great for the Kingdom like have a revival and save millions of people in one hour. Somehow I got lost in the guilt, shame and regret. That is when the worst happened. The lies started reciting themselves over and over again as if this hidden part of my life came back to haunt me. You're not good enough. You're wasting your time. How could God ever want a person like you? How could you think you could ever be worthy of even serving God? What should be so innocent as alone time with a book turned into something sinister. It turned into a guilt trip that took me to a place I forgot I could go. 

I had to stop myself in the middle of all of it and wonder. What's true anymore? The truth was having trouble fighting its way through all the lies and I stopped. I just stopped thinking about all of it and I realized something totally transforming. All of these feelings trying to burst forth and ruin me - shame, regret, guilt, feeling like a hypocrite, putting on the burden of my own iniquities - all of those were all putting the focus on me. I lost my focus on God and I was completely wrapped up in myself and my shortcomings. Almost as if I'm snapped back to reality in a moment of worship during church, I realize that all of this loss of focus really isn't what it looks like. It's not those feelings that are hurting me, it's my lack of trust that is. It's absolutely ridiculous. I am taking away God's healing by reopening the wounds and wallowing in them. The only thing to do is to go back to the truth wrapped up in God's Word. 

Isaiah 53:10-11
"But the Lord was pleased
To crush Him, putting Him to grief;
If He would render Himself as a guilt offering,
He will see His offspring,
He will prolong His days,
And the good pleasure of the Lord will prosper in His hand. 

As a result of the anguish of His soul,
He will see it and be satisfied;
By His knowledge the Righteous One,
My Servant, will justify the many,
As He will bear their iniquities."


It is God's good pleasure to heal us through Jesus' bearing our burdens on the cross. He takes away guilt, shame, regret, iniquity, sin, death, and all the darkness in that hidden place. Not only will His work be completed, but it will prosper and satisfy God's good pleasure in our beautiful reconciliation.

I, flawed, am justified because Christ bears that burden. Now every time I think of those lies, I have to giggle inside (mostly because I'm sure all of this sounds nuts) but also because I'm comforted by having felt ridiculous to question God in the first place. Justified. To me, that means I am totally covered. It means that my response to the lies will now be, "Why don't you take that up with my Father and see what He has to say about it? I have work for the Kingdom to do." And I will do that work, whatever it is. And I will even curl up with a book. (I have read two since then.) 

I won't live my life in bondage to the lies, the sin, the hurt, or the darkness. I have the Light of life living inside me and He says I get to choose freedom. As believers, we still have that choice to make. Are we going to wallow in the wounds of the past and live with that Pharisee guilt mentality? Or will we choose to live under Christ's victory, choosing to respond as a free person and not a slave? Christians, we have the victory already because Christ has already won! Let's stop living like sore losers and get back in it. Jesus is still there on the right hand of the Father and God is still on His throne. Choosing to live with that truth ringing clearly in the way you live your life will change everything. Are you ready?

John 8:31-32
"So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, 'If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.'"